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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23506987">Conditionality</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinfiction/pseuds/foreverinfiction'>foreverinfiction</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:02:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23506987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinfiction/pseuds/foreverinfiction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR CoG! </p><p>Summary in the notes at the beginning of the story to avoid spoiling it for anyone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Grace Blackthorn/James Herondale, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray/Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>James and Cordelia's wedding night, but Tessa has something she wants to talk to her son about first.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>James kicked off his boots and sat on the bed. Cordelia had stayed downstairs to speak with his mother and Lucie about something or the other. James had stopped listening. Exhausted from putting on a front for most of the day, he needed a few minutes to himself before Cordelia came up to bed. Their bed. Together. As husband and wife. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents had helped him decorate a suite of rooms in the institute for them. It had seemed so strange, to be spending his time picking out wallpaper and bookshelves. His mother always was so much better about those things, and Cordelia didn’t really care about the specifics. James, however, found himself surprisingly picky about the wood stain for the bookcase and the texture of the curtains and the color of the rug in their small sitting room. Another trait inherited from his mother, he assumed. Sighing, James leaned back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t feel old enough to be married. Not really. He knew he was the same age his mother had been when she had wed his father, but still, it was strange. The Clave trusted him to marry a woman, a beautiful, brilliant, strong woman, and yet, he still couldn’t patrol by himself. Strange, he mused. Strange the things the Clave let him do. Maybe he could convince the Enclave to let him patrol now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock on the door interrupted him. “Yes,” he said quietly. He expected it to be Cordelia, coming to bed after the long day of pomp and circumstance. Instead, his mother came in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I sit with you for a few minutes? I feel as if I haven’t had a chance to speak with you,” she said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged, sitting up, which she took as an invitation to sit next to him on the bed. She brushed his hair back from his forehead and smiled at him. She sighed. “I am so proud of you, Jamie,” she said. “Truly. You are an amazing friend, and you inspire people to do such good in the world. You have grown into a good man. I remember when you were little and you used to run around with that wooden spoon. Your father and I once spent a whole day looking for it when it was lost, and you were so heartbroken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie nodded. He remembered. He still had his spoon tucked away in a drawer, unable to part with it entirely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to know that I love you, my sweet Jamie,” she said. “Unconditionally.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James looked at his mother in surprise. She was the practical one of her parents. His father was a leader, a great strategist, but his mother was the unwavering support at his side, pointing out the implausible parts of his plans. She didn’t often get emotional, but he could see the tears shining in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he said. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I don’t think you do,” she said, and took a deep breath. “I am sorry, for the weight my heritage has brought upon your shoulders. I am sorry for the suffering you have had to endure for it, the teasing at the academy, the choices you have had to make recently. I fear that it has made your life unnecessarily complicated,” she paused and brushed his hair back from his forehead again. He leaned into the touch. “And yet, I feel as though you are holding more on your shoulders than you let on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked away, unsure of how much his mother knew. She waited for him to answer, and the silence bore holes into his soul. It was a skill she had learned from his aunt Charlotte, and no matter how old James was, it always worked. He took a shaky breath and then another. He felt his walls crack and before he knew it, it was crying in his mother’s arms as if he was still a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held him close to her, stroking his back and murmuring sweet things to him. He felt ridiculous. He was far too old to be crying, let alone on his wedding day, in his mother’s arms. She rocked him slightly and let him cry. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said carefully. “But I want to tell you what I think is weighing on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James nodded against her shoulder before sitting up. She handed him a handkerchief, and he wiped his face. He took another deep, shaky breath. “Alright,” he answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tessa reached for his hand. “I think you believe are in love with Grace Blackthorn,” she said and waited for him to nod before she continued. He nodded. That much he thought was obvious to his family. They weren’t blind, and he hadn’t done a spectacular job hiding it in the past months. “I think she asked you to burn down the Lightwood mansion in Idris, and Cordelia lied to protect you. Then you proposed to her to protect her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” James said, feeling as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders. He sighed. “Our agreement is to be married for a year, and then to divorce so that she can marry someone she actually loves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tessa smiled at him. “Jamie,” she said gently. “You are blind if you do not think that Cordelia loves you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at his mother stunned. “She doesn’t. We had—” he paused, trying to find the words to use to not offend his mother. “We kissed before, as a ruse, while we were getting the Pyxis. She told me that it was all that it was, a ruse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When your father and I were investigating Benedict Lightwood, we went to a party at the Chiswick house to try to get information tying Benedict to Mortmain. And while we were there, we drank lemonade mixed with some faerie drug or warlock powders. We ended up kissing on a balcony, and then later, after we sobered, we both agreed that it meant nothing at all. That it was a bit of foolishness that only happened because of the lemonade.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that doesn’t mean that Cordelia loves me, or that I love her. That was your life with father.” James stood up and moved to the window. “And what of Uncle Jem? You loved him, too. Are you telling me that Cordelia loving me negates my feelings for Grace?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tessa sighed. “I loved Jem. I still do. And while it’s between us, I believe your father does, too. We have our own batch of complicated. Loving your father did not subdue my feelings for Jem, but Jamie, your love for either of them does not have to be unconditional and it does not have to be everlasting. I know your father likes to boast that Herondales only love once and that they love forever, but that doesn’t have to be the case. It’s a nice fairytale, and sometimes it comes true, but real life is messy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you telling me this?” he shouted, suddenly furious. “I did the right thing! I married Cordelia to protect her reputation after she protected mine. It does not mean I do not still love Grace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother shook her head. “Tell me why you love Grace, then,” she said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—” he faltered. “She wanted me to propose to her,” he said. “We were supposed to go to Idris last summer, and when she came here, she wanted me to propose and elope with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tessa reached her hand out to him, waiting for him to take it. He did so reluctantly. “That wasn’t the question I asked, Jamie.” She held onto his hand as she pulled him back sitting down on the bed. “But I didn’t know that it was that serious between you two. When did she say this to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he heart came pouring out of his mouth. “The night of the Cerberus attack. She wanted to get away from Tatiana, and she believed that could only be done if we eloped and left the Clave. That if I would not leave the Clave for her, it meant I didn’t love her enough. And I couldn’t do it,” he whispered. His voice was quiet. A lump was forming in his throat. “I didn’t love her enough to leave everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother was quiet for a long time. “If she asked you to do that,” she said quietly. “If she asked you to give up everything for her like that, it would mean that she does not truly love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James was quiet. “But—” he started, and then he couldn’t finish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you unconditionally,” she said. “I will love you regardless of what actions you take or who you love. I will love you until my very last breath and then some after that. But you are my son, my child. That is the love that exists, that should exist, between parents and their children. However, I do not love you father, or Jem, unconditionally. If Jem asked me to leave you, leave Lucie, leave my family behind, I don’t think I could love him. Love means understanding one another wholly, knowing their flaws and looking through them to see the light of who they are. The person you love is the one who you turn to share things with, who you would weather a storm with, and who you want to spend your life with. It isn’t someone who asks you to give up your very core of who you are to for the sole benefit of themself. I know the heart is not easily changed,” she said gently. “I know that your heart will linger on Grace, and that is the course of things, but Jamie, listen to your friends. Matthew leaves the room when Grace enters. Do you think that someone who loves you would have that effect on your </span>
  <em>
    <span>parabatai</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James shook his head. “I know,” he said shakily. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not mean to break your heart,” she said with a small smile. “I know this wasn’t the conversation you wanted to have today, and I don’t know for certain that Cordelia loves you, but she does care for you, and that is more than I can say for Grace. I think you were immeasurably kind to marry Cordelia. And if, in a year, you wish to divorce, I will fully support you. But Jamie, you deserve so much happiness. Let Cordelia be some of that for you. You don’t have to love her, but let yourself enjoy waking up with someone who cares for you enough to risk her reputation and her life for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie leaned his head on his mother’s shoulder and just let himself breathe for a moment. “And,” she continued. “If you don’t want to do any of this, if you want to run away, I am more than willing to take you to New York. I could have the carriage ready in an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “I don’t think I would like New York,” he answered quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said, gently nudging him. “You’re your father’s son, and he will be in London forever. Lucie, though. I could convince her to come to New York.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James smiled. “Thank you,” he whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always,” she said, and gave him a hug. “But I think Cordelia will be coming up soon, and she has to be exhausted. Christopher has been sharing his new knowledge of anatomy and medicine with her, and that is more than anyone can manage for over an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left the room after that, giving him one last hug before going through the door. He took a minute to stand at the window and look up at the stars. There weren’t many of them tonight, hanging over London’s skyline, but he still looked for them. He thought about his mother’s words, and Grace and the pain she had caused him. He didn’t know if he was finished loving Grace, if he was ready to love Cordelia the way that she deserved, but he let himself imagine the possibility. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so, when Cordelia came in, looking as exhausted as his mother as predicted, he stayed up to talk with her. He talked with her while she changed out of her dress, as she put on her nightgown, and then she came to sit by him in the sitting area by the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I read you something?” he asked cautiously. “Like you read to me when I had my fever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked surprised, but she smiled at him. “Of course. I would like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and pulled her up and into the bed that they now shared. He picked up a book and flipped it open. Some Oscar Wilde that Matthew had given him. Cordelia hesitated before laying her head on his shoulder. James leaned into her. Finally, he let himself breathe and hope for a future that was far closer than he imagined. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And here's the smut.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cordelia’s skin felt as if she was burning, James’ hands igniting her where they trailed across her body. He kissed her too gently for the way her body was reacting. She pulled him in closer, so he lay atop of her, his strong body pressing her down into the mattress. Gasping, James moved to kiss down the side of her neck, her legs wrapping themselves around his hips, pulling him closer and closer. He was kissing lower, pulling her nightgown off of her shoulders, his lips pressing against the swell of her breast. He looked up at her, gold eyes glowing in the darkness of their bedroom. “Daisy,” he murmured, flashing her a smile. “My Daisy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia woke up with a start. James lay asleep in the bed next to her, daylight seeping through the curtains. She sighed. For the past two weeks, this dream had haunted her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>James doesn’t love you like that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she reminded herself. No matter how many times she dreamed it, it wouldn’t change his feelings for her. This was a sham marriage, one intended only to protect her reputation. It was harder than she had thought it would be, to push her feelings aside. She spent most of her day away from James, instead going to Anna’s or training with Lucie. She rarely saw Matthew and the boys. They still went to their little apartment, but James was there and it was awkward to be together with their friends. She felt trapped and suffocated. She was frustrated that her mind kept giving her dreams that would never come true, that her husband, the man laying in the bed next to her, didn’t love her in the slightest. It was painful, and she felt the tears starting to burn. Quickly, before James would have a chance to wake up and ask her questions, she left their bed and moved into their bathroom. She splashed some cold water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was in a braid. Tessa had taught her how to braid her hair after Cordelia complained that her hair was too much work in the morning. This morning though, she needed the time, the routine to be able to push her thoughts away. She pulled her hair out of it’s neat braid, running her fingers through it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daisy,” James said at the door. She started. “Sorry,” he said gently. “I didn’t mean to surprise you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” she said stiffly. She focused her attention back on her hair, hoping he would leave. When he didn’t, she turned to him. “Did you need something, James?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He came to stand by her. “You were crying,” he said simply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed. “It was nothing,” she said shortly. “Just a nightmare.” It wasn’t quite lying, she thought. Being shown everything you wanted and then having it taken away was a nightmare. It just didn’t turn into a nightmare until she woke up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was it about?” he pressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter,” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James took her hand and pulled her to face him. “It does, Daisy,” he said, and she flinched. His childhood nickname for her stung now. James looked flustered. “I know—” he started, running his fingers through his hair. “I know this isn’t ideal, but I do care about you—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She cut him off. “You don’t love me, James. And it is hard to wake up next to you every morning, knowing that you would rather have Grace—” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He interrupted her. “I wouldn’t,” he said, and then quieter, he continued. “I— I don’t know what we are, and I am trying to figure out how I feel about everything, but I don’t think I love Grace. I enjoy waking up to you, Daisy. I like starting my day off with you. I like that I don’t have to give up my family to be with you. But if you would rather, if it is too difficult for you, I could go back to my rooms. We could tell people that I snore and that you were going to smother me if we slept in the same bed any longer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He paused and looked at her. “Tell me what you dreamt about. Please, Cordelia. I want to help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt a tear roll down her cheek. James reached to brush it away, but she stepped out of reach. “I love you,” she said and held her head high. If she was going to do this, and apparently the decision had been made without her conscious input, she was going to stand tall. “I always have, since you came to stay with us that summer. I was so hopeful, coming to London, that perhaps you would share my feelings. And all that has happened is that you have made it very clear that you do not love me. And I could have moved on, moved forward and found someone else, but now I am trapped here with you, dreaming of a future that I will never have and waking up to a man who will never love me. I didn’t believe it was going to be that difficult, but these last two weeks have been the longest of my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James was silent, and she cursed herself. Now it was ruined entirely. The last shreds of the friendship blown away like ash in the wind. “It’s fine,” she said quickly, turning away from him and facing the window. “It’s fine. A year isn’t that long, and then we will both move on with our lives.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daisy,” he said quietly, but she didn’t turn back to look at him. Then she felt his hands on her hips, and the memory of her dream made her flush. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t,” she said shortly. His hands fluttered by her hips, as if he was hesitating. She could still feel the warmth of him behind her. “Don’t give me false hope, James.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment, his hands pressed firmly to her hips. He stepped into her, so his body lined up with hers. She could feel his breath on her neck as he pressed a kiss behind her ear. “It’s not false hope,” he said. His voice was low and deep and so close to her. Heat pooled in Cordelia’s stomach. “I love you, Daisy,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I did, but I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned to face him, and he leaned his forehead against hers. “If we do this,” she whispered. “If we continue, this will no longer be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>marriage blanc</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want it to be,” James said, and he leaned down to kiss her. This was so different, she thought, from their kiss in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whispering Room</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This was gentle and unhurried. She pulled him in closer to her, running her fingers through his thick curls, stepping in ever closer so that their bodies lined up perfectly. He let out a low groan. “Daisy,” he murmured against her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a match to tinder. His hands gripped her hips, as he pushed her back against the window. They were high up, the window faced the stables. It wasn’t likely anyone would be able to see them, but still, Cordelia flushed. “James,” she started, but his lips moved to her neck, and she lost her thought entirely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had gotten dressed, clearly planning on going out, but she was still in her night gown. He pulled away to look at her. “Can I take this off?” he asked, his hand at the tie holding her gown closed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, and he pulled at the tie. She took a breath. She stood bare in front of him, and he looked at her. He kissed her again, more urgently this time, pressing her against the window. She had stopped caring about the rest of the world. James Herondale was in front of her, and he loved her, and that was enough for now. She grasped the lapels of his jacket. “Take this off,” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James quirked a smile at her and stepped away. “As you wish,” he said. He took his jacket off slowly. Then he moved to the buttons of his shirt. He made eye contact with her, his brilliantly gold eyes matching hers. The passion in her core surged. “You’re too slow,” she complained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed. “Come help me, then, Daisy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled and stepped forward. His shirt was hanging open over his chest and she pushed it off over his shoulders. Then she reached for his belt, and he gasped. “Are you okay?” she asked, looking up at him. “Do you want this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James kissed her gently. “Yes,” he said breathily. “Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kissed him back for a moment before undoing his belt. If she had more patience, she thought. If she wasn’t completely overwhelmed by what was happening, she would have cared more about where their clothes ended up and whether or not they were going to be wrinkled. But soon James was as bare as she was, looking just as overwhelmed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I—” he started. “I can take you to bed,” he said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She flushed. Their bed felt far away. He was standing in front of her vanity, and an idea crossed her mind. “Pull out the seat there,” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow at her, but he did as she said. She pushed on his shoulders until he sat down, and she could straddle his hips. James’ arms went around her easily, as if they had done this a hundred times before. The bench was wide enough that she could balance on her knees if he leaned back. She could feel him, hot and hard and pressing against her. Slowly, she reached down and guided him into her body. He groaned and pressed his face against her neck. “By the Angel, Daisy,” he moaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gasped. She wasn’t quite ready enough for him, but she kissed him as her body relaxed. “I love you,” she said against his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked up at her. “I love you,” he said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She started to move, just rocking her hips against his. He held onto her, his strong hands holding her hips, letting her control the movement. She arched her back a little to make the movement easier, and James pressed a kiss to the swell of her breast. Gasping, she rolled her hips into him. He grinned up at her. He made eye contact as he kissed his way across her breast, finally ending by sucking her nipple into his mouth. She moaned, far louder than she had intended to. He stopped, watching her intently before doing it again. She rocked her hips against his, her head falling back. It wasn’t a careful position, but she trusted James to hold her. She could feel the fire burning and growing inside of her as she started to chase the release. James rolled his hips up into her, his chest and face flushing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The feeling overwhelmed her, crashing around her, shuddering the muscles inside her body as she moaned and held onto James. He followed her, thrusting up into her as he groaned into the crook of her neck. She held him as she came down from the high and looked at him. He was sweaty, and so was she. She brushed his hair back from his face, as she had wanted to do so many times, as she was able to do now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled up at her. “I love you, Cordelia,” he said and kissed her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, James,” she answered, and then stood up off of him. She was shaky on her feet, and fluid was dripping out of her. She wasn’t expecting sex to be so messy or so intense. He followed her, running his fingers through her hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We may need to fix your hair before we go out today,” he said, with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed. “Or we could stay in bed all day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Or that,” he said, pulling her closer. “We could do that, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia kissed him again, letting herself imagine this new future with James.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I may rewrite this. I kind of rushed through the smutty part of this chapter, but I have assignments due at midnight, so this is the best I have for today. Let me know what you thought. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. New Version of Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I didn't like my last version of this chapter. It didn't feel in character enough for Cordelia. Let's try this one instead (it replaces the last version rather than building off of it.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pain radiated through James’ body, coursing through his veins, like rivers of fire. He gasped, and even that burned. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to breathe through it. It shouldn’t have been this hard to breathe. He heard himself screaming but he couldn’t get himself to stop. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe? It hurt so bad, and James wanted to sob. Soft hands touched his face. Someone said his name. Someone else tore his pant leg open and away from his skin. He didn’t think the pain could ever get any worse and then it did, twisting around his heart, wrapping like vines around his arms and neck. He was suffocating, and yet he heard himself scream again. Someone said his name again, hurriedly, anxiously, but he couldn’t remember the voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then a voice came again, in his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>James,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it said urgently. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You need to breathe. Try to breathe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uncle Jem. He couldn’t breathe though. He wasn’t breathing. He was trying but he couldn’t. His lungs ached, his heart hurt. The pain flared again, burning like fire. He screamed again, his back arching up off of the concrete. This was unbearable. He needed it to stop. He needed a break. He needed to breathe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, just as quickly as the pain had arrived, had knocked him off of his feet, had burned through his body, it went away. James gasped in the cold air around him, thankful for the reprieve he had been given. His eyes opened, and he saw darkness. The world was black except for a halo of red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Daisy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought and sighed. It was all he could do, all he had time to think before the darkness sank down around him and swallowed his body.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia felt panic rising in her body. James had been fine moments ago, had walked beside her as he talked to her about Christopher’s new theory on improving portals. Matthew and Lucie had been ahead of them, whispering about something she couldn’t hear, but she could feel Lucie’s happiness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then James had crumpled to the ground. He grasped his leg and looked up at her, their eyes meeting for a single moment before he fell entirely. She had fallen to her knees next to him, rolling him onto his back, scanning his body quickly, looking for the source of why he had fallen. “James,” she heard Matthew say. He had barely finished that breath before James screamed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“His leg,” Cordelia said quickly. “He grabbed it before he fell.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthew already had his knife in his hand, cutting a slit through the leg of James’ pants. Lucie rotated his leg, revealing a gaping wound in his calf. Blood was pouring out of it at an alarming rate. Cordelia could already see his skin paling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Matthew said, pulling out his steele and quickly placing an </span>
  <em>
    <span>amissio</span>
  </em>
  <span> rune. They all watched the wound intently, but the blood flow didn’t slow. “Fucking hell. We need help.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie was pale when Cordelia looked up at her. “I’ll go,” Lucie said. “We’re only a block from Highgate Cemetery. I’ll get Uncle Jem.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia grabbed her wrist. “No,” she said. “Whatever this is, it may be after you too. I’ll go. You put up a glamor for the mundanes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t wait for an answer. She was already on her feet, running down the street, Cortana at her side. Cordelia had always been fast, and she made it to the cemetery quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cordelia,</span>
  </em>
  <span> said a voice in her head. She looked up and saw Jem there, standing outside the entrance of the Silent City. Silent Brothers didn’t really have expressions, but she could hear the question in his voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“James is hurt,” she said. “We need help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where is he?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jem pressed. He was already moving and Cordelia guided him. They were running and Cordelia found herself struggling to keep up with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they got back, Matthew had his coat pressed to the wound in James’ leg, Lucie was kneeling by James’ shoulder. She was talking to him, and Cordelia could feel her relief when she saw Jem. Jem knelt by Matthew’s side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Let me see,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jem said. Matthew didn’t move. He was pale, and Jem gently placed his hand over Matthew’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matthew,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he said gently. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If he bleeds out from this, it will be my burden to bear, not yours. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matthew nodded and moved to the side. “He just dropped out of nowhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jem pulled the coat away from James’ leg and blood poured out. James howled in pain. He was so very pale, Cordelia thought. She knelt next to Lucie, and placed her hands on his face. “James,” she said firmly. “You cannot die.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James screamed again, his back arching. Lucie grabbed onto his hand, and Cordelia saw her hands shaking. She reached for her </span>
  <em>
    <span>parabatai</span>
  </em>
  <span>’s other hand, hoping to steady her, but instead, she felt a jolt of electricity, as if she had been shocked. Before she could think through what had happened, James’ body relaxed and he took a shaky breath. Looking down at him, she could see the gold of his eyes for a moment before they closed again and he fell asleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There is poison here that is stopping his blood from clotting, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jem said, sitting back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I slowed it for a bit, but I don’t have what I need here for a cure. We need to get him to the Institute. Tessa will have what we need there. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He picked up James’ body easily and inclined his head to indicate that they should follow him. Matthew stood slowly and helped Lucie up. She leaned into his shoulder, and Matthew held her close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s going to be okay,” he said quickly to her. “I would feel it if he wasn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie nodded and reached for Cordelia. Cordelia took her hand carefully, and the three of them walked behind Jem back to the Institute. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Tessa sat by her son’s side. She and Jem had worked quickly to fix the antidote. It was a simple one, made from mugwort and ginseng. It had stopped the bleeding so they could apply enough </span>
  <em>
    <span>iratzes </span>
  </em>
  <span>to get the wound to close. It was still angry and red, but at least he wasn’t bleeding any more. Jem had told her that even with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>amissio</span>
  </em>
  <span> Will had placed, James likely wouldn’t be fully recovered for a week. She pressed her fingers to the inside of his wrist, feeling his pulse beneath her fingers. It was something she had done after he had fallen ill when he was younger. A pulse let her breathe. If he had a pulse, she could fix him. His pulse now beat weakly, but it was there, and that alone was all she asked for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She brushed his hair back from his forehead. Her sweet Jamie. She feared for him, for his safety and for Lucie’s, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mam,” said a soft voice by the door. She turned to see Lucie standing in the doorway to the infirmary. “Is he— can I come in?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tessa held out a hand to her daughter. “Of course,” she said as Lucie came to sit next to her on the bed. She could see Lucie’s hands shake as she reached for her. “He’s going to be alright,” she said gently. “The wound looked worse than it was.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie nodded, holding her head high. “I know,” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tessa looked at her daughter. Lucie’s skin was pale, her lip was red where she had bitten it. “Lucie,” she said. “You don’t have to be alright, love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Tessa watched her daughter’s walls crumble. “Oh, my love,” she said, pulling Lucie into her arms. Lucie sobbed and shook as Tessa held her tight to her chest. “I’ve got you,” she murmured into Lucie’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You’re safe. James is safe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie pressed in closer to her. She was shaking. Tessa couldn’t stop noticing her body shivering, as if she had a fever. “Lucie,” she said, pulling away gently, just far enough that she could look into Lucie’s eyes. She pressed the back of her hand to her daughter’s forehead. She was warm, but not warm enough for a fever. Tessa breathed. “Tell me what happened.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie took a shaky breath. Tessa held onto her daughter’s hand. “James fell, without warning. Cordelia said he grabbed at his leg before he fell, but Matthew and I didn’t notice until after he had fallen. I thought he was going to die,” Lucie said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tessa wiped the tears away from her daughter’s eyes. “There’s something else,” she said gently “What are you leaving out?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw something, standing over him when I turned around, like a shadow of a person.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like a ghost?” Tessa asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Lucie looked away. “No. Ghosts have faces. This was completely dark.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll look into it,” Tessa said and Lucie leaned into her. Tessa wrapped her daughter up in a hug. “You don’t have to bare this on your own, Luc,” she said softly. “I know the imprint of Jamie’s heritage is easier to see, but it doesn’t mean that you have to deal with yours on your own. I know it is difficult.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lucie nodded and pressed in closer. “Can you read something to me?” She asked. “I can’t write right now, and Jamie likes it when people read to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tessa smiled. “Of course.” She pulled Lucie with her into the bed next to Jamie’s and tucked a blanket around them. Matthew and James were always leaving books around the Institute, so she reached for one that had been left on the bedside table. Lucie lay her head on Tessa’s chest and wrapped her arm around her. As Tessa read, she noticed Lucie watching the rise and fall of her brother’s chest. She held her daughter closer. For now, she could hold them close. They were both alright. That was enough for now.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia hesitated outside the door to the infirmary. She wasn’t sure of her place here. She was James’ wife, and that meant she should be at his bedside, but their marriage was one of strategy and not of love, and she didn’t know what that meant for her. She probably shouldn’t be here, she decided and was going to walk away before she saw Will Herondale coming down the hallway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled at her when he saw her. “Jem’s talking to Matthew,” he said to her. “Have you been in to see James yet?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia shook her head. “I wasn’t sure if I should go in,” she admitted. “I’m not sure if he would want me there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will frowned. “Tessa told me of the arrangement you two created,” he said carefully. “And we are both very grateful to you for protecting our son, but we had hoped that you would count yourself as a part of our family regardless.” Cordelia looked at him in confusion. “You’re still Lucie’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>parabatai</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he explained. “And you are James’ friend, even if your marriage to him has a separate purpose. We will always count you as family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia smiled at him. “Thank you for your kind words,” she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will opened the door for her. “Let’s go check on him,” he answered. When they came in, she saw Lucie curled up with her mother, who was reading out loud. Will moved to sit by his wife and daughter and pulled up a chair for Cordelia next to James. He winked at her. She moved to sit next to James and hesitantly, she took his hand into her own. His skin was still cold, his face still pale, but she laced her fingers through his. He may not love her, she thought. Their marriage may be a sham to protect both of their reputations, but she could still be here for him when he woke up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't plan on spending a lot of time going into what happened with James. It's mostly just a device to bring James and Cordelia closer. Let me know what you thought of this chapter. I may end up deleting the old version of this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know what you thought of this. It's weird for me to write Tessa as a secondary character and as a mom, but I felt like she would have intervened a little bit somewhere in this. I may add some smut in the next chapter if people like this one.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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